There is something wrong with me.
I have a problem
There is Chaos flowing through my veins.

Chaos, sin, evil, disorder...

Lately, much has been going wrong in my life. "wrong" as if what events in my life are wrong or right. I'm not talking about morality. I'm asking, Is is wrong that my car is messed up? Is it wrong that I perpetually have very little money? Maybe this is what my life is supposed to be like and I should just suck it up and let myself be ok with it all.

 Also, what's up with other people?
 Over the past year I have noticed that everyone... well not everyone.. Many people are very, VERY self-serving. They don't care about you except for what you can do for them or what you mean to them. Most of these people don't or wont consciously realize that they are like that.
  Actually, now that I think about it, it seems like most people are like this. It is very sad and discomforting. What's even more discomforting is the fact that I have noticed this in myself. I am very selfish and prideful. I usually notice this about myself just when I starting thinking to myself, "Oh you aren't that selfish, you aren't that prideful."  and then I realize, "Oh yes I am! I am like that." In fact, I'm selfishness and pride are at the root of every single sin. We say to ourselves, "I can do whatever I want." That's true freedom right? To be able to do whatever you want, even if it kills you. I'm not so sure I agree with that, but that's the general consensus, yes?
  When I notice these things about myself, it makes me very sad. I don't want to be selfish or prideful. I want to genuinely care about others and place them before myself and be humble about it. Is that too much to expect from myself? These problems remind me of how I need Jesus. Ironically, when I feel sad about my selfishness, I turn away from God a bit.
  Ultimately, I remember Jesus and I remember the cross and how my sin was nailed to it.