In Christ Alone

Tonight it came to my attention that I have no idea what I am doing.
I am not the who I think I am.

I always hurt the ones I love and that's why they always seem to distance themselves from me. Right now, the main thing I want is just someone to be close to. Really close to. Closer than anyone I know is willing to be with me.
I want a person to live life with me.
I suppose what I am describing is a wife.

I prayed about it today, among other things.
God said, "My grace is sufficient for you"
I should be looking to God rather than people. I don't really have much choice right now anyways.

Psalm 73:25,26

Conviction

Another Quote from a good friend-

"man whenever I am truly in tune with the Lord and really just thriving in His presence, yeah..I stay convicted.. the more I am growing in my knowledge of Him and in intimacy with Him, the more I realize how much grace He lavishes upon me and how sinful I really am and the more I am convicted over areas of my life...not because I am growing more sinful..just more aware.."

Realignment

My life is a light for Your cause
My will laid aside for Your call
And reserved are the depths of my heart
Only for You

I'm caught in the rhythms of grace
They overcome all of my ways
Realigning each step everyday
To live for Your glory

There's none beside You God
There's none beside You God

You're there in the dark of the night
While holding the sun and it's light
Through the triumph and trials alike
There's no-one beside You

Your voice called the stars by their name
'Cause You whispered them all to their place
To testify to Your wonder and praise
Both now and forever

There's none beside You God
There's none beside You God
I love my life to shine Your light
'Cause there's none beside You God

No eye has seen
No ear has heard
The depths of Your love, Lord
No mind can fathom
The love You deserve
How great You are

This song is from the newest Hillsong album, Aftermath.
The first verse of the song is all about how devoted the singer is to Christ.
"My will laid aside for your call.... Reserved are the depths of my heart, only for you"
The rest of the song is mostly just about the greatness of God.

I really love this song. I have been wanting to post some lyrics as my facebook status for a while, but I haven't because I have to ask myself, "Am I really that devoted to Christ?"
Can I really say that I am "realigning each step every day" to live for God's glory?

I would say that no, I can't truthfully say that. Can you say that?
Seriously, think about it.
Go up and read the first two stanzas again, and really think about what the song is saying here.

It's saying,
"My life is a beacon for your glory (you cause)
Your call on my life is more important than anything else I might want
And there is a special part of my that save just for you, God.

You're steady grace is so great that I am compelled to push aside my own way of life and replace it with the way that you have called me to
Each day, I realign my motives and my actions so that I can bring you more and more glory"

Wow. Who can genuinely sing that? Who can say such a thing about themselves with any such honesty?

The song goes on to talk about the greatness of God and the greatness of his love for us.
Go ahead and read the rest of the song now.

In light of all this, how can we not lay aside our will and devote our lives to be a light for his glory?

"But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith— that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead."
-Philippians 3:7-11

Whenever I am in a worship service and I encounter songs like this, songs that speak such devotion. I sing them as a prayer that I will be as devoted to Christ as these words say. God is so great and his love is so strong, how can we offer him anything but everything?

...and I rose with you!

John 1:1-14, 2 Cor 5:17, 2 Cor 8:9, Gal 6:14, Phil 1:21, Phil 3:8, Col 3:1

God of love You came to earth
Born in a manger, the incarnate Word
Full of grace, and full of truth
You healed the leper, You made all things new
Religion despised Your word of love
Condemned You to die in Your innocence
A crown of thorns and mockery
Were Yours my Savior, my precious King

Stained with blood and bruised with pain
The Lamb of God on a cross of shame
Never before and never again
Was love so great, was death so grim
There on the hill You died for me
You took my sin, gave me liberty
I’ll never boast but in Your cross
And all my gains I now count as loss

When sins they rob my heart of joy
And condemnation seems to steal even more
This I recall, You rose again
And I rose with You, hallelujah amen
So if I live in want, or die in shame
To live is You and to die is gain
I in You and You in me
My God, my brother, my indentity

Were I tempted with the best of earth
All it’s pleasures and all it’s gold
And if fame in all it’s kingdoms
Was in my hands to hold
I’d scorn it all for You’ve given me
The treasure of Your Son
And now I’m richer than the richest
For You’ve given me Your love

Direction

I have no idea what I am doing.

"Just follow Jesus"

Well, ok. I'm trying. Is it really that simple? I hope so.

As I was pushing through work tonight I thought how different I am from my coworkers. I definitely am different, but not because of my relationship with Christ. I'm just a different guy haha. It upset me though. I wanted to cry.

It bothered me because I want to care more. I don't care enough about them. If I did, I would minister to them instead of goofing around all the time, just trying for laughs.

I guess I kinda got mad at myself. Mad because I kinda have seen myself as a passionate person, but I'm realizing lately that I'm not really. I'm just a normal guy really, and I'm not ok with that...

I thought also about my future. I'm beginning to feel more and more like I'm wasting my time where I'm at. At my job, at my school, in my town. My friend said I should read through the gospels, so I am. I started in Matthew and that's where I still am. I keep seeing the reckless, instant, unquestioning devotion that Jesus calls us to. I'm thinking, "I don't do that. In fact, who do I know that does that?" I feel like I've missed it. We've missed it.

Maybe I should quit my job?
Maybe I should move sooner than I thought?
Maybe not?

The thing is, I really just don't know what to do.
I want to feel Jesus guiding me in every little action.
I know it's possible because I felt that way before, but I got scared and did my own thing, so that feeling went away. I want it back though. It makes me sad that I pushed those feelings out.
I guess the main thing I'm trying to say is that I don't know what to do, but I want to do it (whatever it is) so badly. I know I need to just follow Jesus. I think that I need to follow him in little steps, and those little steps will add up into major change in my life. I just want and need to feel that guiding hand in my heart again. So that's what I'm praying for.
I don't know who all reads this, but will you pray for me in this?
You don't have to respond to me. Just pray please.

Whom then shall I fear?

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides you. My heart and my flesh may fail, but God is the Strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 23:25,26

I Must read this everyday. It just brings me to my knees... It's the gospel! My flesh HAS failed and so has my heart, but GOD sent Jesus to die and fulfill the law that I don't measure up to! I have Failed and so Jesus succeeds in my place! I owe him my life. Who do I have but God? My heart and flesh fail! My money fails! My things fail! My education fails! No one is perfect! No one can be counted on in all circumstances! No one but Jesus! Who else do I have? Where else shall I turn? Nowhere but to the feet of my Lord!

This is my reality, and I must re-awaken myself to it each morning.

"Then he said to them all, 'Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me.' "
Luke 9:23

I am No Man

I have striven to be a man
I have striven to be a wise man
I have striven to be a righteous man
I have striven to be a songwriter

I have seen that I can't do any of these things.
I can not write songs.
I have no righteousness.
I am have no wisdom.

I am No Man.

I have given up, and realized that all I can do is trust Christ and know him. And suddenly, when all my striving has ceased, I look up and see that He makes me into a Man. Into The Man I am meant to be. He calls me Son. He takes me under his wing, as an apprentice to his Wisdom and Righteousness.


"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Those who are far from you will perish; you destroy all who are unfaithful to you. But as for me, it is good to be near God I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge; I will tell of all your deeds." Psalm 73:25-28

Psalm 13

¹ How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
² How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
³ Look on me and answer, LORD my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
⁴ and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
⁵ But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
⁶ I will sing the LORD’s praise,
for he has been good to me.

Quote from an anonymous friend

"Well, here's how I see it. Emotions are misleading, so I don't come away from camp or retreats all like high on God or anything because most of that is just feelings. Even though it's great that God moves in those thing and that he can use those things to teach and grow us, I don't really get emotionally carried away. I'm a very practical person, so the way I see it is: God is good, he is faithful, he loves me. He's asked certain things of me, like denying myself, spreading his name, and loving my enemies, and he said that, through him, I can do those things. So logically, if I try to live for myself or do things my way, I will fail. I know that."

"If God is who he says he is, then not only is it better to follow him, wherever that means, but it's the only thing I want to do in response to his incredible love. So that's my constant mindset, not just when I'm surrounded by believers, because camp is great and awesome, but if I don't wake up every morning and surrender myself, the emotional highs don't mean much. You know what I mean?"

The Hat

"HERE, you can have this hat!"
Paul thrust a drab green military cap my way.
"It's kinda goofy lookin! I think I've seen you wear it before.."

I didn't particularly want it.
"Aww c'mon man! It's a marine cap!"

"You mean like a legit hat that a marine would wear? I'm not much of a hat guy..."

"Yeah, it's official!"
I eyed the cap suspiciously before trying it on.
"I try to give you something, and you just aren't grateful," Paul said, disappointed.

Suddenly, the hat was great. It was the best thing I'd ever received! One second I thought, " Great, another hat what am I going to do with this?" and the next second I feel like I've just gotten the best gift in the world. I wore the hat for the rest of the night.

"Sorry, man. Seriously though, I really appreciate it. Thanks a lot!"

What was so great about it though? It was just a plain green military hat. I'd seen one before. I may have even had one at home already. What was special wasn't the hat itself. It was the gift of the hat. The hat was just a hat. The reason I changed my mind about it was because of the person who gave it to me.

After I wrapped my mind around it, I felt very special about the whole thing. Paul, a man who I look up to, and respect, went out of his way to give me this. At the end of the day, it didn't matter that he gave me hat. It might has well have been a piece of string. What matter was that he thought of me. My friend, my mentor, gave me a gift. The hat now carried much more weight than some fashion accessory or any utilitarian head cover.

The hat is a symbol now. Its a sign of my friendship and closeness with another human being. The amazing part is that he may have just wanted to get rid of a hat and I was there, but whatever he meant by it, I still means the same thing to me.

It's amazing to me how little gestures like that can impact a person. I try to have impact on the kids I work with all the time, but what seems to have the most effect are the little things, the things you don't do on purpose. The lazy talks after coming inside from a hot day. The assembly of a ping-pong table. The rides home. It seems we most impact people by simply living our lives in front of them.